Test-it-lah

Nonsence.

2008-03-28T20:50:00.000-07:00

I cant stand those ostrich brain people.
10 Personalities of an ostrich brain person.

1. Step big.
2. Act pretty.
3. Show off about herself. Example* (Eh tht guy say i very pretty, he want my number some more siol!)
4. Act like as if she knw alot of people.
5. Step popular.
6. Have pretentious emo hair. (Please, emo hair should be short ok dog.)
7. Have a damn big Flower Horn Fish*Luo han yu* like forehead.
8. Buckteeth.
9. Copy cat.
10. Step cute.

Ok, here are the 10 personalities which you can spot a retarded ostrich brain person.
Is this information helpful? (:

To waikee:
Good luck to your golf competition coming up soon in Bangkok! All the best!

To lihern:
Dont mix with her alot ok my dear lihern, Im trying to persuade you from not mixing with her is for your own good. It's not tht i dont like you to be with her, but th problem is tht i think she's really a bad influence to you. And somehow i cant bear to see you change into a person like her. It aches my heart alot when you start to be like her. Tht's th reason why im like not really close to you. She's like snatching you away from me. And i feel sad. I hope you understand how i feel as a friend of yours. I really care about you, your life and your relationship. Tho' i may be sebok*kpo* sometimes, but i still care for you. (: No matter how xialan i am, i'm still willing to lend you a helping hand and a listening ear for your problems.

Today had PTM.
Aiyah, for sure got alot of flaw about me tht th teacher wanna say to my parents.
I dont knw what to write.
I think i've got over you alrdy.
I guess.
It's over. (:

Lifeless.

2008-03-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

Im so busy for this whole week.
Sighs.
Youth competition (Art things. Everyday needa' stay bck and do until 6/5.30pm).
CCA's.
Speech and Drama.
And alot of things luh.
IH project not done yet.
What th hell.
No one's even contributing.
Even i thy did, it's like not completely 10%of effort done ok.
I've got eyes to see, a heart to feel and a pair of ears to hear your complains and everything.
You've gt complains while i dont.
I dont see a reason why i must listen to all of you.
Lately i've been not doing my homework due to this heavy work load.
You think tht my life's full of free time?
Well get this straight.
IM BUSY AND I HATE THE FEELING OF GETTING BUSY.
I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO COMPLETE THE BLOODY PROJECT FOR YOU ALL.
IM NOT A LEADER AND I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.
IM AN IDIOT WHO DOES THINGS WITHOUT KNWING THT PEOPLE JUST TAKE A SEAT BACK AND RELAX.
OK? ARE YOU HAPPY?

What cca's are you talking about?
What do you mean you've got no printer?
What do you mean tht you're busy?

Firstly,
You have cca until 6, can understand. But at least can you go home and do ALITTLE
BIT of research?! What's your problem?

Secondly,
if you'v gt no printer, You could ask your friends to help you print? I thought you have ALOT of friends who like you and are willing to help you?

Thirdly,
If you're busy. Im alrdy working my ass off this project and getting on with life in school with the heavy workload. I cant really see a reason in you why you're giving me such a dumb excuse to refrain yourself from doing this things.

So conclusion.
Im fucked
up.
I hate this.
im alrdy in a state of affliction.
What do you
guys
expect from me.
You see.
I totally did this out of my own.
And i
didnt completely blame you at th first place.
What do i look
like?
Your
slave? Your servant?
Do i have to do the things for you?
Cant you see
tht im dead tired and i totally wanna retire from school?
Cant you see my
eyebags getting from bad to worse each passing day?
Cant you see tht im
trying my very best to get the most excellent grade
for the sake of you all?
And of all things.
Please for god's sake.
Give me a break.
Im
tired from working my ass off.
Im tired from
all of this nonsence.
Everyone doesnt even think about how i feel at the
first place.
Maybe im
the last priority in their hearts as a friend.
So, i dont really mean much
to thm.
Tht's why the're ignoring me.
And everything.
Sighs.
I want a normal life.

It's either sad or happy.

2008-03-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

I don't like this feeling at all.
Being abandoned.
Being left in th lurch.
No one understands luh ok.
Just fk life.
...
I just don't knw who am i right now.
I'm stranded in all of this dilemma.
The worse part is tht.
I only see what's happening now.
And nt the coming events.
If only i could turn time around.
If only the people around, could just give me a chance and a fking break frm reality.
I'll do whatever tht's necessarily.
I'll even pull up my stakes just to keep everything together.
I haven't tried as hard as I should.
Cause those vague promises, kept harassing my mind.
And so, i cant do well in anything.
Those memories kept in my mind.
And my mind replays it.
Don't worry.
Im just thinking bck to what I've done before.
Im not hurt anymore i guess.
Cause it's not really tht sad from here i guess.
Things hurt when it heals.
Sighs..
Wtf..
Tag replies:

Cynthia: Hi.
Tiffany: Hiii tiff.
Sheryl: Imy.
Felissa: Hi felissa! Imy 2.
Iceh: Oh hi.
Vanessa: Hi vannnessa.
Wymzic: Will link you asap. (:

...

2008-03-25T06:38:00.000-07:00

Give me a sense of belonging.

Tag replies.

Ruhaidi: Lol hi botak kecik.

Imy.

2008-03-24T17:05:00.000-07:00

I hated sch today.
A teacher (Better to be left unknwn in case something bad happens again) accused our class of stealing her wallet.
*Oh please, your wallet is so damn worthless, why th hell should we steal from a crazy teacher like you?*
And tday during assembly.
Th teacher asked me to stand up.
Like wtfffffffffffffff.
Wtf is your problem man.
What's wrong with my grooming?!
What the fuck.
Gt students RIGHT INFRONT of me whose hair is like so damn sohai ok!
So much worse and terrible thn mine.
And you asked me to stand up.
Go and fk your mom man.
---
I feel fucked up.
I feel extremely sad.
I feel depressed.
I feel like crying.

Back when i was still young.
I was someone who you liked.
You were the most perfect fit.
But i have nothing more to prove.
Here i am, with another chance in a different position.
Too bad, I've wasted that opportunity.
You're always the person who was the first to give in to me.
While I'm always the dumb one who's the first to ask about everything.
From the start i didn't knw tht I've taken the relationship for granted.
And i just didn't cherish it.
In conjure, my last mistake was putting my friends priority.
No wonder the outcome was this.
There's so much i haven't given yet.
There's no turning back.
I just wanna say to my previous ex tht.
I think when i was with you.
I've taken it too far already when i heard your tone over the phone.
I'm sorry for the mistakes I've done.
I'm sorry for making you hurt so badly deep down in your heart.

So now, this problem teached me alot of things about love and how to sustain myself from giving way.
I'm in a state of severe affliction.
But i believe tht one day, I can live blissfully with my boy.
Imy boyfriend.

Tag replies:

Hey: Ouhk.

Pfft..

2008-03-23T19:26:00.000-07:00

I'm on the verge of breaking down..
Sighs.
What' every one's problem?
Backstabbers.
If i backslide you're happy uh?
To be relapsing into bad habits,
Sinful behaviors or even undesirable activities.
Are you Happy?
What the hell do you want from me.
Why the hell is everything getting me agitated?
I don't knw what to do next..
Sighs..
What do you want.
What do i want.
Im not even sure.
Aku tk tau aku tk tau aku tk tau aku tk tau aku tk tau!
Wo bu zhi dao wo bu zhi dao wo bu zhi dao wo bu zhi dao!
You all understand?!
The clock's ticking away happily.
While i sit here complaining like an idiot about life.
I talk rubbish.
I have so many questions but no answers to any of them at all.
I don’t know what to say or believe in anymore.
It’s okay, don’t even try to answer them cause I won’t trust anyone.
*Sorry to th people i knw in CHC*
Im not trying to be an atheist or whatever, but i think god's just man-made.
God?
Pfffffffft!
I think you/anyone in th world can’t and shouldn't believe in anyone but yourself.
You mke your choices and decisions in life,
And nothing is ever god's will or plan.
There may be luck or fate,
But i think you shouldn't trust all your important life decisions to the whims of a superior being.
What is the point of living,
If you’re not living your life but one that has already been mapped out?...
I know that if god exists,
He would be sitting at a corner and nt interfering with th lives of his creations.
Otherwise,
He would be responsible for every human catastrophe in history.
Don't give me the “god is punishing us” spiel or whatever high-flown talk,
A merciful god would not allow innocent people to die,
And an angry god should not be worshiped in the first place.
I'm not going to say more about this cause I know how it feels like to believe in something very strongly and then have someone blatantly shoot down your beliefs without much proof.
Sorry but i dont knw why all of a sudden im talking about this stuffs..
Must be the conversation i had with my boy tday.
About asking me to go to church...
Sighs.
Tag replies:

Tiffany: Steady, dnt wry about me. (: I'll come to my senses some day. (:
Ivan: Both, imy too. (:

2008-03-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

I want a tattoo.
I want a tattoo.
Someone recommand me one shop tht can do for people who are 14 years old. ):
I want one so badly.

I have nothing more to say.
Each passing day im getting from bad to worse.
What else can i do?

Sighs.

2008-03-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

What should i do?
When every thing's in a big mess?
Like what lihern said,
" Fk love fk life fk everything. "
This fking big dilemma is putting me on the very difficult spot.
I can either kill myself and set myself free from this agony.
Or just go through life and endure this agony.
So what if i don't have self respect, integrity and all?
Does it even matter?
I don't care what happens to my friends.
I don't care what will happen to me in a split second.
I don't care what will happen to me in the future.
Sometimes i wished it was you, really..
But i guessed tht i didn't move on in life and love.
I'm self-centered and i am selfish.
Well, tomorrow's good Friday.
I just hope tht.
I'll just come to a point.
where i realize tht everything around me is changing.
And i myself must accept the fact tht im changing too.
I wont be happy even with a new relationship. Im serious.
Unless tht guy really make me feel im the whole world to him.
I share the common frustrations and heartaches like the broken hearted people.
The answer of life eludes me.
I admit tht im concealing myself from all of this nonsense.
Cause i don't want to get another burden.
The burden of friendships.. and problems..
Are increasingly heavy already.
I just need a break this once.
And retire myself from the reality.
I just want a dream to cme true.
But every dream tht i want.
Must come with sacrifices.
And those sacrifices stay as a scar in me for the rest of my life.
Wtf.
I knw i may sound silly or whatever you my name it.
But i just want to say tht.
I understand how people feel, and how thy think.
I care for thm and yet kindness didn't come in my way.
Every thing's like a rock to me.
People just pick up the stones and throw it at me.
And tht hurts.
Just like what my friends say/think/talk about me.
I feel hurt in the same way.
But it's mentally painful.
One day it'll become physically and mentally painful in both ways.
You dont knw what im going through.
All this days tht i've spent away.
I'll ponder on thought.
"Why am i so selfish and immature?"
Cause tht's what i am.
Sighs..
This doesnt even feels right, sighs..
I just feel like crying my heart out..
i just feel like going crazy.
And lose my mind.
I feel like having a really really severe short term memory.
So thti'll erase off all the bad memories and good memories...
Tag replies:

Zoe: Hi.
Hey: Thanks.

Bloody hell.

2008-03-18T18:21:00.000-07:00

What's with everyoneeee!
The teachers, the students, my friends, my parents and everyone who is related to me are disappointed in me.
What do they want me to be?!
Wtf do you all want from me?!
IM NOT FLAWLESS OK.
UNDERSTAND?
I have the feeling of giving up you knw!
Sooner or later, I couldn't take this anymore.
D'you want me to be pompous through out my life?
Every one's killing me deep down inside inch by inch.
Even if i tried to be another person,
Th reality of my fate wont change.
Nothing change.
NOTHING CHANGED AROUND ME!
SO WTF ARE YOU EXPECTING?
Well,
Alot of people asked why yesterday i cried during English lesson and why I'm emo.
Dont act like you care..
Even if something bad happens to me.
Would you even care?
Would you give me a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on?
Wtf, no right?
So if im feeling down, isit your business?
I just know tht i disappointed alot of people.
And i couldn't careless.
All of your hands are like distant lullabies you knw?
I dont understand why but friends somehow ae related to hotels.
You leave 'em and you get back tgt with 'em.
Wtf is everyone's problemmmmm!
I've nvr felt this sad before. ):
Never in the history offffffff lindiiii's timeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Fkkk.
All of you dont understand how im feeling right now. ):
I think im just nonsence or whatever...
Sighs..
Why does everyone treat me like a spare tyre?
Am i so uselss towards you?
Wht is everyone so demanding towards meeeee?
Wtf..

Tag replies:

Ivan: Thnks.
Cynthia: Thnks.

Wtf.

2008-03-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

'What's wrong with this world?'
Like what i typed in my previous post.
D'you knw how much i hated everything alrdy?
I hate everything single little thing about the world..
I dont even knw whether am i alive anymore.
There's no reminder to tell me tht im still alive.
Even my best friends have lost the ability to make me feel somehow alive.
I just feel like im really lost,
Not knwing what i want.
And of everything just being dark, cynical, gloomy and transient everywhere.
I could still keep up the smile and laughter but nothing in me seems to be smiling or laughing.
Was this my fate?
Or was this what he wanted me to become?
Ok.
Im starting to hate myself.
I hate ths feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling i hate this feeling.
I just wanna go back to my carefree childhood days.
Innocent and pure.
Tht's what i wanted.
And the friendship there was true.
Cause we're kids.
And kid's are purely innocent.
Why cant this world im living in cant be the same as last time!
Sighs..

Tag replies:

Shikin: Okeh.

...

2008-03-13T09:15:00.000-07:00

His answers:

What am i?
A substitute who can keep him happy for a short period of time.

Does he love me during the relationship?
No he doesn't.

Even after the breakup, did he even contact you?
No he didn't,cause he was too guilty.

Conclusion:
The feeling of being two-timed is terribly heartbreaking, knwing your guy is nt faithful to you. And gradually, you'll lose your trust and faith in him. And this relationship will soon slip out of your hands.

Friendship:
There wont be any friendship between you and him. He's feeling too guilty to meet you/talk to you. So you feel tht he's a downright bastard somehow.
---
Friendship matters:
Why isit tht people like to lie to me? You knw tht if you lie to me, i'll also get influenced? What's your problem? What do you want from me? Do i look like a spare tyre to you? If i appear to be happy on the outside, doesn't mean tht you can take advantage of me you knw? Do you knw how badly my heart aches just because of you friends? Lies everywhere. You lied to me umpteen times but still i forgive you. What do you want from me? Im not a robot which can sense which is a lie and which is not a lie. If you want to see me in pain you could just say so! I'll show you what's real pain called.

What happened yesterday night:
I cried for one hour last night. Amazingly true. I just thought of one of my friend and cried for her. Seriously, i hate everything single little thing tht makes me pissed/depressed. Bloody hell. Is this a syndrome? Maybe it's something bizarre nobody knws.

What i feel:
This isn't what i had expected to happen. what's your expectation of? What do you want me to be? I can't take this nonsence anymore. I feel like running to somewhere far where no one can even bother/piss me off. If only i could run to a place where everyonecant lie but only say th truth. D'you knw tht a small white lie and later lead to a damn big case of accusation? Wtfwtf. Go to hell man..

Teg replies:

Jian Ming: Lol.

Ouh shit.

2008-03-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

In stagnancy, our identities hidden behind mirages,
On one hand strong, confident, bountiful
On the other dark, cold and fearful
For years, this monstrosity, fed with endless generosity
Cease I say, cease for once and for all.

In the backdrop, I find solace in the presence of another being
Cutting, gnashing; Oh the sounds of destruction
How painful! How terrifying!
Voices of chants slowly emerge,
Constant, calm, demonic as it envelops my skin
It warms my heart but body, as cold as dead

Stretched between boxes
Which do I tick?
Realist, Idealist or I don't know?
I take the time to ponder.
Amidst neglected paranoia,
An answer emerges from the bleak
Oh how conflicted I am!
My head is a pure realist
But my heart, a pure idealist.

What to do? What to do?

Coherence is what I seek.
Yes, coherence.
Despite a throbbing headache.

Paranoia has never felt this good.
---
Yesterday was fun,
When going bck home.
I just thought bck of the memories i had with him. ):
Cause was listening to the songs he sent me last timeee. ):

(Pictures taken at ECP during our class outing)
This was taken at the bowling centre or whatever you call it at the east coast park during theclass outing which was ysterday& SHH! Im playing the psp you dumbtard! Lol.

Evil alen at the loose in burger king ECP.

HANDSOME CHAP! *Lindi*

I think i look really handsome in this picture Hahaha!

Shikin and me!

Just look at the contrast of my thighs andmy feet. DAMN BIG CONTRAST.

Tag replies:

Ally: Hi ally.
Isabel: Hi my dear girl Lol.
Shinhui:OH hi.

It has to stop.

2008-03-09T09:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I find it hard to blog an issue i feel strongly about not because I'm afraid of being judged,
But because some things are better kept inside.
There are so many things that might hurt people you love,
Or people around you, which you don't intend to hurt in the first place.
But as cliched as it may sound, blogging is a therapy isn't it?
Isn't writing about your thoughts and shouting them out to the world better than keeping them inside?

I just want to blog about this not because I'm trying to hurt anyone,
But because this is something I'm feeling right now and I do not want to rob my own freedom away from myself.

I might be a little to the extreme but when I want to do something,
I make sure it's done to perfection.
So i guess sometimes it's hard for me to accept other people's ideas,
Because in my eyes, I have the final say on what's right or wrong.

This issue was brought up by a teacher once,
On why I should learn to accept other people the way they are.
I can't, truthfully, I can't. It's hard to tolerate people who don't take things seriously.
Yes, I found my ultimate pet peeve; people who don't take things seriously.
Wait, maybe I'm taking too many things seriously but I personally feel there's a very distinct line between serious things and non serious ones.

I feel very very annoyed when dealing with people like that.
This will probably go into the list of hurtful things I've said to people:
Sorry but I don't help people who don't help themselves.
It doesn't sound harmful at all but when you're in that situation,
It hurts like hell.
Not that I know since I'm the one saying it.

But anyhow,
I shouldn't let things like this bother me.
After all, it really shouldn't get on my nerves ain't it?
If there's one thing I wish I can do,
I wish I can stop minding people's business.
Why can't I just be nice to people who get on my nerves anyway?
I mean, I just have to keep my caustic words to myself and pretend to be really kind and borrow my notes/tips/answers.

Man, I'm so going to win the least likable award now.
I don't mind helping people if they actually make an effort to care about themselves you know?
You know??

I don't want to go into details but this is the rough draft.
If this kind of things happen again,
I promise I will try to pretend that this ain't my business.
After all, people who keep mum are every one's best pals no?
I'm tired of being the bad guy who so happen to be the scapegoat whose job is to tell people off.
It's not my place to tell someone who he/she should be,
Or whether he should be serious in things he do,
Or if he's going in the wrong direction.
Why the hell should I care anyway?

C'mon don't tell me that I should do what I want,
That I should speak my mind and all that.
We all know that that rule doesn't apply in this world anymore.
In fact, I don't know what does anymore...
---
I bought a new laptop.
HP pavilion touchscreen entertainment notebook PC.*2028AU.
Tag replies:

Lihern: HAHA!Ruzaini!

The comeback noob.

2008-03-08T02:10:00.000-08:00

Dear me,

With the messily strewn clouds of thought, I paused upon sight of these pictures. Where have these moments gone? All these time, wasted on political jargon and mindless ramblings.

- Time to regain consciousness -

Lindi's back. For now. For Good.

Tag replies:

Christine: I love you too.
Shuying: Yea ok will link you up.
Tiffany: Haha, i miss/love you too my dear.

For your info..

2008-03-07T19:00:00.000-08:00

I am not a writer, therefore I am not entitled to having writers block.

I am not one of courage, therefore I let all incriminating things pass.

I am not the same person you thought I was or believe I could be.
Hence you should stop believing and allow me my doses of dellusion as I trudge through my unnecessary whims and woes.

Leave me alone.

Tag replies:

Christine: Ok.
Cynthia: Hi.

...

2008-03-06T16:30:00.000-08:00

Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
---
zzz.
Feel fucked up ok.
" I wanna see th evidence".
I did show her.
But thn she just sho-ed me off.

Report book.

English: 43
Highest score: 65

Chinese: 62
Highest score: 77

Maths: 22.5
Highest score: 100

Science: 48
Highest score: 77

History: 62.8
Highest score: 80.6

Lit: 65
Highest score: 75

Home Econ: 80
Highest score: 93

Visual arts: 87
Highest score: 87

Ok, im the highest for art. Yay finally.
A subject whereby im the highest. Thnk lord.

Tag replies:

Lihern: Haha (:
Mas selamat: Lol ok hi.

Sighs.

2008-03-05T17:50:00.000-08:00

At times, I feel empty.
Hollow as an empty can.
These are the days when I don't connect with the universe and the effort consciously injected into the act of connecting only makes it worse,
Only to leave me with a sensation of plunging into a deep ravine.
Moments as such define the desires of shaded normality,
Soa scent,
I don't want to waft a deeply embedded into my soul.
I'm not bout in mid air until ventilation fades me out.
Normality is so difficult a concept to practice.
The melody is a resonating one,
Playing over and over again.
The past few weeks have wreaked of silence,
Of unspoken indignations,
Of a reciprocal exit and that of death.
An essential part of her died that night.
It was daunting, it still is.
Yet her presence,
Regardless of physicality or psychologically remains omnipresent.
Take care,
Wherever you really are and I love you, always have, always will.
Tag replies:

Mas selamat: Hi. May i knw who are you? Instead of putting your name as mas selamat can you put your real name?
Zhaoxiang: Ok.

Sighs...

2008-03-04T16:42:00.000-08:00

I cant imagine what's gonna hpn nt if my dad sees my report slip ..
I bet he's gonna take away my things.
100% absolutely for sure..
---
Before I begin, I'd like to ask of you to forgive me for my following bluntness.

These are one of those moments where nothing is right and everything of significance stops.
No regurgitation. No joy. No feelings of warmth. Nothing but a frame, void in the inside.

I feel fucked up.

...and extremely sad.

{momentary pause}

Dr. Doom's still in the building.

Save me god!
Tag replies.

Felissa: Hello love. (:
Zhaoxiang: I changed email alrdy. You add me. Li.n.di@hotmail.com
Ben: Lol hi my dear.
Ritchell: Which song?
Joanna: Ok. (:
Waikei: LOL thanks!
Ken: Ok wll link you.
Felissa*: Really? :D Ok. :D

Questions..

2008-03-03T17:01:00.000-08:00

As I sit here in this floating abyss,
I can't help but to wonder...
What is love exactly?
In this quest to have my question(s) answered,
I have more than once just wished it would appear as easily as they do in romantically crafted scenes with soft lights,
light music,
hazed backgrounds and dazed faces.
How delightful would it really be if we lived in the shoes of some really LOVING couples where happy endings are inevitable.
These fragmented sheets of romance are nothing short of delightful but it's these very images, (pause)
that are searing burns into my heart.
It hurts.
That's a given.
What's worse is,
I'm left with strings of hope to hold on and you,
Unfortunately,
Is the puppeteer.
I'm not sure if you're really sorry..
This comes down to one thing;
You're an AWFUL person who just keep people in suspense ..
---
The very strands of our genetic makeup gave us everything that we have.
Whether or not certain parts gain preponderance over the other,
Is really not and shouldn't be an issue.
To be intelligent is to put the brain to appropriate use,
To be artistic is also the outcome of that and,
To be a good person is to fully feel the world with your heart.
Why is it so important to only value others for intelligence?
You know what,
I can tell you this.
I can be stupid.
Hell I could be so stupid,
You wouldn't even think its possible.
So go on, judge me.
I'm tired of feeling like an idiot.
There's a point in time where all things petty reaches its zenith.
That day is today.
I can't go up to anyone,
And tell them they're rude.
I can't excel in confrontations.
You know why?
Because I feel for them too.
This sucks.
---
And fk you knw what?
The bag picture in the previous post,
I cant buy them.
Fking ex ok ..
45(SGD).

I knw this is a fking dumb picture so you dont have to reprimand me not to be stupid or what so ever.

Pictures taken during the skipping of fnn class.
Tag replies..

Jiahao: Hi botak. We'll link you.
Zhaoxiang: Ok thanks for your concern.
Vanessa: Ouh ok hi vanessa.
Sherry: I miss you too.
Joy: Thanks.

For the record ..

2008-03-02T09:34:00.000-08:00

After all this while, you still don't understand.
I'm beginning to doubt if you ever will.
After what was said,
You didn't come to my aid.
Instead you decided that I should come to accept your friends and what they think.
It doesn't matter that your friends judge me.
It didn't matter when they criticized me.
It didn't even matter that your dad 'advised' me.
I'm in love with you.
That should have been all that mattered.
How much more blunt could I possibly have been?
Now, I just don't know what to think ...
And I hope it makes you

Happy.
---
I feel like im a time capsule...

In the midst of my jungle trailed mind,
I steal a fragment of time to encapsulate a few strands of thought,
Snuggly fit it into a time capsule and to release it to this technological void.
My thoughts are strewn.
My values shaken.
These recent occurrences.
Earth moving.
Well, for me at least.
All the excuses I have used up,
The lies I've perpetually embedded myself in,
Have been unearthed,
The potentials for disaster gives me a mad rush; sending a gripping quiver down my spine.
How erotic the rush.
As these crop circles begin to emerge,
I thank my creator for allowing me a golden opportunity.
A chance to transcend past human relations,
To surpass the very zenith of our being,
Putting into question the very fundamentals to our romanticized contexts of living.
No one understands.
I feel alone in my predicament.
But yet,
The accompanying enlightenment blinds me.
It engulfs me in its satin fingers,
A snuggly situation.
Close to home,
Close to point of creation. ...

Gonna buy this bag soon, i hope..

Tag replies..

Suhaillah: Ok.
Tiffany: Will try and be happy my dear (:

Anxiety

2008-03-01T12:00:00.000-08:00

In administering illusive sanctions brought forth by unprecedented situations,
I stop to wonder if they were like keys to our behavioural makeup.
And with no doubt whatsoever,
I conclude with a unanimous yes.
This yes however have come with little to no consequence.
Why?
For I have yet to experience the full fledged fire of their consequences.
While I am able to sketch out my forthcoming predicament,
I began,
As a soldier would - defining the battle fields; drawing out my strengths, weaknesses, and jotting them in sequence on pieces of post it - just for reminders sake.
I appear calm in my wait,
Mmy psyche however,
Doused with pinches of nervousness,
Anxiety and fear.
Thoughts of "what if" regurgitate its presence;
One factor replacing the other but still I wait.
As they days past,
My reminders weaken,
They become nothing but words.
Encompassing such tremendous meanings but now,
Empty.
Yet, still I await,
For that fateful day to arrive...

Today, the peaks of my consequence were raised,
Right at the point of succumbing but the battle was not lost.
Oh dear,
I do apologise...
Here, let me introduce you to the 'growth curve'...

Tag replis.

Ashikin: Ok dear. (:
Tiffany: :o
Felissa: Hi my dear. Ok. (:
Felicia: Hi felicia!
Someone: :o Oh really? If i dont understand how she feels, why would i be her friend. Are you discontented with my friendship with her or what? 'She's strong on the inside but her heart is fragile' i dont understand tht sentence. How can one person be strong yet with a fragile heart? -.- Are you saying tht if i talk/be friends with those "people" i will be hurting her heart? What do i look like? Her boyfriend? -.- This world empasize on how we get along with people, a word for you to understand. "SOCIABLE". So are you pin pointing fingers at me for being a torn in her heart? Please dont give me tht " _l_ " as i have done nothing wrong.

Sighs ..

2008-02-29T19:00:00.000-08:00

Love is patient and kind;
It is not jealous
Or conceited or proud.
Love is not ill mannered,
Selfish or irritable.
Love does not keep
A record of wrongs.
Love is not happy with evil,
But it is happy with the truth.
Love never gives up,
It's faith, hope and patience,
Never fails.

"Why look for so many reasons to be happy when LOVE alone is more than enough?"

I lie awake at 3:00a.m. last night, armed with my favourite bolster.
I lie awake with my eyes wide open yet I yawn uncontrollably and my mind swims through a pool of disorganised matter.
Slightly irritated at the commotion outside the window,
I count the nights I had spent contemplating on where I'm headed towards.
It's been a series of continuous sleepless nights.
Three whole days of boxed numbers and mathematical logic is at long last,
Eating into my already questionable psyche.

As I wad through this oh-so-familiar territory, I now seek a new longing, that will ultimately tear me away from my misery; like running, or drawing, or designing.

After all this time, it frustrates me to know that much of what I had achieved had not changed me. If my experiences could be redefined, the consistency would be aligned to that of which explains my happiness amidst pain.

I am most alive when I am almost dead.
If only this sight remains perpetual.
---
Well,
Today i cried over trivial matters ..
Didn't knw why ..
Sighs.
If only the hands of time could rewind me and take me to the past.
I would amend my wrongs and do the rights.
I would try my very best to make my relationship last ..
Sighs ..
Th art sketch book was lost.
And i went to buy one ..
And you knw what?
Th art rap doesn't seem to care at all.
He face expression to me was " I don't give a damn OK?!? "
Sighs ..
Th world is getting much more anti sociable ..
Every one's your enemy as you compete each other's test papers ..
Well, i failed my English.
And i don't knw how to tell my father tht.
He's so gonna be disappointed in me. ):
I just want to cry out loud man. ):

Btw, thanks fr the cheering me up ashikin, abirah, lihern, suhaidah, and alot more.

Tag replies

Zhaoxiang: Cause i don't?
Veni: Yes i agree my dear senior. How i wish i could repent myself in this situation. ):
Irhana: Haha thanks. (:
Gabriel: HAH!
Sheryl: Yeah ok, will try my best to catch up with you all. ): Eeeeeek. ): Tmr sat during church in expo F.I.R coming! I WANNA GO. PLUS
THE CHURCH PRAYERS MAKE ME GO GAHGAH OK! I MISS IT ALOT. ):
Passerby: Errrrr... Ok thanks.
Tiffany: Hah, ily you 2 steady (:
Irhana*: Sure. (:

Heyyyy...

2008-02-28T01:33:00.000-08:00

This is extremely messed up.
Looking at my own exam papers after having enough jokes and craps just made me shake my head in disbelief at how screwed up things have become since I've been neglecting my studies ..

Chinese - 35/50
Science - 24/50
Maths - 9/40

Results were horrible, so were my feelings ..
Tho' i may be laughing and joking around DESPITE th fact tht I've got such lousy marks,
I'm still pondering in thoughts on the past ..
It’s been an intense 15 days of pain and sorrow.
Pain and sorrow seems to be a recurring theme across the last few days,
Which is interesting, really.
Thanks fr the breakdown.
I appreciated it ..
Gaah.
The weekend brought about some mini-revelations.
Like how ending a relationship with one person, means possibly ending friendships with several others.
Like how the dilemma of duty over your own life choices, is really not only just about you.

Life brings about many choices, opportunities, red herrings.
But while we often look forward to changes and challenges and move on,
We sometimes forget what we left behind.
Old friends that once meant so much to you, old ties that still bind, memories that lay dormant until something evokes them, making them sting like vinegar on broken flesh.
I embrace chances to move on.
But now, I’m thinking...praying even,
Please don’t ever let me forget what I left behind.
Not out of sentimentality, as such, but as a life lesson, to cherish what I have in the present, and a reminder that it’s never just all about me, because in changing the course of my life, I’ve inadvertently changed someone else’s too.
---
Does happiness still exist when one has nobody to share it with?

It made me think of how prison is,
Especially those isolation chambers..
It's such a terrible place to be.
It really does break the human spirit to be naked,
Alone,
And in darkness, surrounded by four cold stone walls and nobody to vouch for that they are still Alive, in the loosest sense of the term,
save for when food arrives for them.
But often in life we too have our own prisons, either of our own doing or otherwise.
And like the fish in my aquarium at the living room,
Swimming around aimlessly,
Mindlessly consuming air and food,
Not really knowing their purpose.
While I suppose it may seem utterly hopeless with no promise of improvement,
Things can change due to unforeseen circumstances.
Something could happen to lift you out of your aquarium, into another realm.
Or you could leap out of the aquarium into the unknown,
Though of course you might land up in a drain eaten by rats.
Or you could pray for company, and rejoice when several other little fish join you in your routine.

Or, you could just wait to die.

Tag replies.

Ben: Lol good friend loh.
Zhaoxiang: Sorry no thanks. I dont really knw you.. I wont give my number to strangers who just chat with me online for a short period of time. Plus i dont really trust online people ..

...

2008-02-27T17:31:00.000-08:00

This morning,
I woke up feeling sad and so slowly, i cried..
Thought bck of the memories. ):
And i deleted some of my past posts,
I read it through ..
And i realized tht ..
I used to be such a happy girl last time ..
But now.
Everything ruined me.
Frm the outside to the inside.
Sighs ..
---
Listening to James Morrison’s velvety chocolate voice washing over me,
It evokes feelings of melancholy.
Hm, melancholic Melody, c’est moi*It is me*.
Especially this one song,
A song so sad and wistful,
And true—because sometimes things or people that you love so much outgrow you,
Or vice versa.
And it hurts like a mofo acknowledging this.
It’s been something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately,
How people change,
And how friendships can get icky because one party cannot get used to the idea of their friend changing.
Our bodies stretch and shrink to accomodate our fluctuating body weight.
Similarly,
some friendships stretch and shrink to accomodate changing personalities and life choices.
Others,
Especially ones that care too much I reckon,
Are the ones that bring about these issues the most,
Because they find it hardest to stretch and shrink.
Some friendships have reached comfort levels that require no verbalisation—it is a sense of Comradeship and understanding that transcends language and formalities.
It’s like a pair of faithful comfortable old jeans—worn-in, loved-in, perfect for everyday use, Comfortable, comforting, and will always make you look good.
But sometimes, other occassions require the use of other apparel, and sometimes, just
Sometimes, the style or fit of your fave old pair of jeans doesn’t fit like it used to.
The pieces don’t fit anymore.
Of course, though,
All these are figures of speech—I think friendships are clearly more than all this.
There’s the inevitable guilt, of course, initially, and the reluctance to let go.
But I suppose at some point realisation dawns that while it hurts both parties that things were Not what they used to be, nothing can ever change the past, and that that shared past will Always remain in your hearts as glorious remembrances..
Because in all relationships, after the hurt has passed,
I think we mostly choose to remember the good times.
In my short 14 years I reckon,
I’ve been blessed with many people who’ve touched my heart and changed me in so many ways.
The primary school friends who indulged my girlish fantasies and thrills, whom I spent many hours giggling with over boys and pop groups;
The secondary school friends, my Dahlings, who’ve been there for me through thick and thin; The nonsensical sec friends who make classes that much more fun to attend and who continually maze me with their talents and unexpected pearls of wisdom.
And of course, the ex-boyfriends
Haha oh man cos there have been not to say so many,
But each of them have been a blessing to me,
Teaching me more about myself and my overwhelming capacity to fall in love so madly and deeply.
True, some have been downright bastards (haha!)
But still remain my close friends (emphasis on the plural–two of them in particular!),
Others I only say hello to once in a blue moon,
One whom I hurt very much and very very badly who I suppose will never speak to me again... *sigh*
A wise person said that the only certain thing about life is its uncertainty.
People inevitably change, they evolve, and arguably, they mutate, even.
And while it may be a sad thing watching someone you love so much change so drastically, though it also hurts, it needs to be said that things hardly ever turn out the way we want them to;
Likewise, the people we love hardly ever become who we want them to be.
We hardly ever become who we want to be.
And sometimes, we need to ask—is this a bad thing?
Is it so bad to not live life according to a blueprint?
Because,
I’m sorry—I cannot live life according to what others have planned out for me.
I need to find my own path and make my own history, no matter how stupid or illogical or grandiose or unattainable as it seems.
Raaaaaah This is such a sad post. I have no idea why I’m so mopey.
Perhaps it’s got to do with the fact that I’ve been playing this same James Morrison song for the past half hour.
While I wish sometimes things didn’t have to change, I cannot imagine life without change.
I guess I just have to accept that no matter how much I abhor the idea of certain changes, it is only a matter of time before I am engulfed in its viscuous, fluid, seductive grasp.
Sighs.
Now let’s all get on with our boring, mundane and utterly pointless lives..

*flings hand around dramatically*.

Tag replies.

Tiffany: Ohhhh okk .. LOL. Sorry, i dont really check my emails. LOL.
Isabel: Hah! Tht garnesh! D:
Ben: Lol hi my good friend.
Elaine: Thanks elaine. (:
Zhaoxiang: Ok .. (:

):

2008-02-26T18:14:00.000-08:00

Long distance sucks balls.
Excuse the language.
Been there and i totally understand what you're going through.
Its the emptiness in your everyday life.
But you know what.
It teaches you alot.
Abt th relationship between two people.
Esp when u guys see each other after a long time.
And realize how much the both of you have changed.
And the fact that you were just not there to witness the process of change…
All you can do is experience a partial ‘new’ person again.
And somehow rekindle whatever that's true between the both of you
EMO indeed.
---
I have so much work now but I keep feeling uneasy cause I have so many pictures sitting in my computer doing nothing.
Sigh am I not a true blogger you tell me!
I was panicking the whole weekend,
Thinking about the amount of work I have waiting for me and yet I still had time to talk about nonsense over here. -.-
My homework is getting increasingly MORE,
And im getting increasingly depressed day by day... ):
Tday i threw a hissy fit during Chinese class.
I don't knw why but somehow my hasty temper is getting from bad to worse! Ahhhh!
-10 Chinese idioms (100 words per page),
All due tomorrow! T____________T
And all the papers need so much concentration!
Cause whenever i turn my head to the chinese idiom book,
My eye keep jumping from the 1 sentence to the 3rd, then to the 6Th!
PLUS, 1 paper even requires me to write nonstop like for an example. The whole story on idioms.
Zomg seriously the more I type the guiltier I feel.
I’m eye-ing at the '60 stories on chinese idioms' now queasily..
Im hesitating.
Should i do my homework or not? LOL.
I guess i wont be doing it ..
Cause what i think is tht, my teacher talks bull.
Seriously. -.-
My brother once was her chinese student.
And my brother come to me and say
" Aiyah! You very dumb leh, she every time talk crap one. "
And my friends told me tht too ..
And i finished one chinese compo ..
But i have to finish 2 of it ...
I'll tell the teacher tht i dont care about it .. LOL.
Th compo which i finished made me feel real dumb. -.-
CAUSE I WROTE MORE THAN 500 WORDS OK.
FKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
SRSLYYYYYYY, NO JOKE!

---
Fyi btw,
Tht time i lost my proj stuffs. LOL.
As in th construction paper and the Singapore map which cost me a fking bomb.
BUT,
A kind hearted soul returned it to my form teacher.
Ahhh, tht teacher is so cool ok!
He/She even wrote.
" Hey student! Project? Keep it well huh! =] I hand it to mr gwee. Bye! "
I just wanna say thanks to the teacher who did this.

Here's the pictorial evidence!

Dammit this was supposed to be an Emo Post.
*scrawls on dark eyeliner and adopts apathetic expression*

“Stop my breathing and slit my throat…I must be emo” - Adam & Andrew
---
Short enquiry about now.
1. Who are you talking to right now?
Tiffany my dearest steady, cheewei th kiwi and jinhui the paster. (:

2. What song are you listening right now on your music player?
Like you'll never see me again Alicia keys.

3. What was the drink you drank previously?
Ribena.

4. Who was the last person you called?
Lim yong chong the sotong.

5. Who was the last person who called you?
Lam suk fen my dearest shark fin. LOL.

6. What did you do at the previous 5 seconds?
I sneezed.

7. What do you wish to happen to yourself?
Get sick, and get 4 days MC.

8. What do you feel like doing right now?
Go to school and hyper again.
Forget all about the miseries and depression.
Forget all about the problems im facing through out my life.
Talk to someone wo i really trust like binghua ..
I feel like crying ...

9. Who are you thinking about right now?
Isn't it obvious? .........

10. What do you feel like doing to the whole word?
Get a true love and last forever if tht's possible.
Get more friends.
World peace.
Prime minister lee hsien long to make all the good/clothes/pants and everything FOC.

11. What was the last dsh you ate?
Mee hoon quay

12. Do you feel tempted by the television in the living room?
Well.. no. Th channels dont show really good stuffs ..

13. What will be the last thing tht you'll be wishing for when you'll be dying in less than 1 week?
To feel the true happiness of life and boom.. Off to heaven and meet my freatest savour. Jesus.

Tag replies:

Felicia: Ok. (:
Zhaoxiang: ...
Tifanny: :l, You didnt tell me your url.. Lol.
Joy: Thanks.
Isabel: Ok. (:

Eh ...

2008-02-25T02:12:00.000-08:00

With my current very very heavy workload,
It’s impossible to read every chapter of science,
Ok.. Maybe not every chapter of it.
And that was when I achieved the state of absolute harmony, stability and joy.
Ohmmmm.. *Meditates*
I'm having the feeling tht im going to flunk my maths test AGAIN like what i did last year ..
How disgraceful this is ..
---
Seriously if there is one person who is more auntie than me it’s my mom wtf.
She will ask me to sleep every night and will nag and nag until I really give up on life and go sleep wtf.
If I complain that I have a lot of work (which I will never do again),
She sits there and makes sure I do all my work.
If I start chatting or reading blogs,
She’ll clear her throat loudly and ask me to do work.
Is this a healthy relationship?
I’m starting to have doubts wtf.
---
I wanna talk about things which are controversial,
So tht i could blend in to the society of human beings.
The snow is falling again.
The urge is calling again.
I want to release myself from this web of intricacies so so badly.
One leap is all it takes to be freed from this wheel of life.
One small step and the tiniest energy one could muster.
And that’s all it takes to be free again.
Sighs..
Th world is fading soon.
Why is this happening..
Is there going to be a catastrophic disaster coming up?
Why is everything happening in a chronological list of events?!
Why cant i have my way instead?
Why isit tht people on this earth isnt helping anymore!
Tell me everyone,
What should I do!
Actually this is such a stupid question with no answer wtf.
I put this as my personal message on MSN and got a somewhat neutral response.
Some people said yes they believe that the world's coming to an end soon,
And some said no and asked me not to be stupid wtf.
---
I know it’s really cliche and shit but long distance relationships really suck balls Ok, even that’s a bloody understatement.
Damn this shit,
I want to stay home and watch bad daytime television and compulsively clean everything and occasionally write pretty poems for fancy and do charity or social work and not have to worry about relationships and friendship problems.
I am a disgrace to all quasi-feminists and full-blown feminists out there and again,
This deeply distresses me.
I’m sorry, world.
I’m sorry I got born.

*wallows in festering pit of self-pity*

Tag replies ..

Tiffany: Haha ok ily steady. (:
Xinyi: Ok (:
Zhaoxiang: Duh -.-

Cuckooooo...

2008-02-24T09:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night i restrained myself by watching 6+ hours of japan drama series! *I think it's japan lah cause of the words*
I knw im mad.
Th drama series is called '一升的眼泪'
FKKKKKKKKKKKK, IT'S DAMN NICE OK!
EVERYONE MUST WATCH IT! WTFWTF.
I watched the drama series until i cried like one widow who still thinks of her late husband.
And weeps none stop.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL WTFWTF _)(*&^%$#(*&^$e^*&^*ikuhjnb^&i%ur^ty$%y^#$%
Later going my friend's house and study.
Im going to piss the cuckoo out of my friend ...
&&!
You knw the movie " L change world "?
Im featured inside the movie.
L = Lindi.
---
Have you ever woke up one day and not feel like doing ANYTHING at all??

Don't feel like sleeping anymore,
Don't feel like lying on the bed,
Don't feel like standing up,
Don't feel like eating,
Don't feel like peeing,
Don't feel like doing homework,
Don't feel like talking,
Don't feel like..living.

Sighs... how lah how.
People will do anything to live my life but I just really feel like I don't want to be here,
Or there...
Or anywhere...
I just feel like disappearing and not exist anymore.
Have you ever felt this way? (please say no so i'll feel special wtf)
I just feel like hanging myself off the bridge (wuu~)
Not because I'm depressed but because I just don't feel like i care for anything anymore.
Why?! Why?!?!?!?!?!? T___________________________________________T
---
I found a term for this terribly complicated and bizarre syndrome.
A disease so puzzling that scientists never ever found out where it came from.
A syndrome so enigmatic that no one ever found a solution to it.

Ladies and gents, it's called laziness. Wtfwtfwtf..
---
I suddenly feel like I got so much work! *uses hair to strangle self
It has been so relaxing the past few weeks and now my work is catching up on me.
The worst thing is I have that i-don't-feel-like-doing-anything syndrome (otherwise known as laziness)! How lah how.

I feel like talking nonsense today.

kgwgvngewoj29@#%!@%#$Tgmkfdnsfsfw235@#%@

kdejsjfbhrhbgivfuwe nbjuefhwui jwenfuwheoqn

niwehfwiwe jehfrwiehewiofn 23$!51! efnjw@%! njejff

jajajaja

Why am I like this T____T
Eh, I suddenly feel like going out in the rain, run to the big field and play my guitarrrr.

Why have I gone mad!
Seriously I'm quite scared for myself now.
Why do I suddenly feel like playing a guitar?!?
Is it because someone is playing it next door?
Or is it because I've really gone mad?

This post is damn nonsense lah I hope no one thinks I'm crazy.
Cuckoo cuckoo......

Tag replies.

Ashikin: Hi my baby!
Vanessa: Haha yes i knw who you are my dear girl. (: Thnks. (:
Abirah: Haha thanks abirawrrrr! Eeek, never tell me you change link. ):
Lihern: Hah you're imp. to me too my dear honey ^^ Really glad to hear tht you enjoyed your birthday.
Zhaoxiang: Oh?
Tifanny: Hi steady! Thnkas fr the sms. It made me cry for joyyyyyyyy to knw tht you still care for me ^^

Happy birthday my princess.

2008-02-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

I NEED A TUTOR FOR MATHS AND SCIENCE ASAP!
FKKK, CN SOMEONE CHAT WITH ME WHEN BORED?!
Is there anyone out there listening to me?
sighs..
---
This was suppose to be posted yesterday but i realized tht today was her actual birthday.
To my dearly loved sister,

To the girl with the nicest hair.
To the girl with the cutest and biggest eyes i've ever seen.
To the girl I couldn’t stop staring at since we first met.
To the smartest girl I know.
To the girl with the best sense of humor.
To the girl who does the best imitation of a leech.
To the girl who still stands strong even though she's been through hell alot.
To the girl I can never be mad at.
To the girl who means so much to me.
To the girl who influenced me in ways she will never know.
To my friend, my best friend, my sister, and my princess.
To the girl who makes funny faces with me while camwhoring.

Happy birthday..

Tho' i may dissapoint you and dont really care about you at some difficult times, im truly sorry fr hurting your feelings.
But i want you to knw what i really feel whenever im with you,
It true friendship love,
Happy birthday to my only princess who made my life so vibrant.
Happy birthday to my only dear sister to pulled through hard times with me.
Happy birthday to the sweet girl who i really envy alot.
Happy birthday to my lovely tan lihern,
May all your dreams/wishes come true.
Maybe oneday you'll become successful.
I hope you gt all the luxurious stuffs in life while the days pass by slowly.
I hope you get happier day by day.
And i want you to knw tht i'll be there fr you whenever you're having any problems.
If you're bored, just call me up and i'll be your 7-eleven ok?
I love you my dear honey.
---
The thought of you made me cry in instantaneous velocity.
Sigh so nowadays I usually take an hour or more to fall asleep even when I’m really tired and sleepy and even when said culprit is not even playing warcraft.
It’s like I’m already used to not being able to fall asleep.
Long ago when I could fall asleep anytime,
I just had to start talking to myself (not aloud la) and the moment when my thoughts became incoherent, that was when sleep would engulf me completely.
I would then not fight its possession over me and let myself be consumed totally by it. It was bliss.

But that was long long time ago.
Now I can talk to myself forever and without knowing it,
The sun will be up and I’ll still be talking to myself.

Example of conversation with myself:
Ok time to sleep! I’m soooo tired yawn.
*blinks 35 times and pretends to yawn again
I’m really tired! and sleepy! I can sleep anytime soon!
*YAWNNN
Oh I didn’t crack my waist, no wonder I can’t fall asleep! I must crack my waist before I sleep everynight!
*twists body in awkward angle to left, and to right.
*still wide awake
OHHH I forgot to crack my knuckles (fingers and toes)! Silly me!
*cracks every single crack-able part of my body
Hmm what shall I eat tomorrow..Shit did I finish my homework?!?!!$@ Oh I did fuh.
*40 minutes later
OHH I forgot to meditate that’s why can’t fall asleep!
*60 minutes later

T____________T Why am I still wide awake?!

*falls asleep peacefully

Sigh that’s basically how it is for me EVERY single night.
But of course the conversation goes on longer than that.
I’ll think of everything think-able like what to blog,
What to wear tomorrow,
If I should go mall or not,
How many days I haven’t shat already, why didn’t I eat vege,
Why is the sky blue, why did the chicken really cross the road,
Seriously, everything's imaginable.
It’s a wonder why I never ran out of things to think about, when it comes to this.

Really really suffering man.
I am not the perfect girl I portrayed myself to be here.
I'm so full of flaws and so terribly ashamed of who I was so I try concealing it but it always comes back to you,
You know?
This is my story and I'm not ashamed of it anymore.
(damn drama wtf)
Tag replies,

Felissa: Ok haha ily2.
Xinyi: Thnks.
Husnah: HAH thanks my husonah! :D
Shuying: o.o Ok will link you up.
Jianming: Lol, it was dead before.
Elvis: Hi elvis!
Jingteng: O.O ok.

Ahah.

2008-02-22T18:52:00.000-08:00

Can a heart still break after it stops beating? D:
Sighs. D:
What's with this world?!?!?!?!??!?! *&^%$#@
Damn it.
Why is it tht i end up getting bad things instead?!?!?!??!?!
Why isit tht i wont get back good things?!?!?!?!
Wtf wtf, karma LIVES.
I just wish there are more friends arnd me so that I don’t have to hear others going OMG she's such a fking lonerrr lah please -stares@ lindi-.
The word like is so redundant I wish someone just goddamn take the word away forever.
After hearing it so many times, even I say in unconsciously!
Arghhhh! Wtffffffffffff!
Can i cry like right now? AS IN INSTANTLY.
I knw you guys will go like " What th fk.. can shaddap annot? You want cry our problme isit?! "
But im NEED AND WANT some attention here!?
You understand?!
In school no one pays attention to me?!
Wtfff, ok.
Im a attention seeker.
FKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
WHAT'S WITH THIS WORLLLLDDDD.
IT'S WASTING MY TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Everything's bringing me down to th' COREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
ARGH!!! (*&^%$#
IM SERIOUSLY HAVING THE FEELING OF COVETOUSNESS WITH REGARD TO ANOTHER'S ADVANTAGE/SUCCESS/POSSESSIONS!!!! WTFWTF.
I want things which peopl have.
Which is love. ):
Even frm their friends.
Im paranoid.
You understand?
How the hell am i going to repent myself if i keep myself locked up in this miserable place?!
I want a new life a new brain a new everythng!!
-Whines-
I wanna go bck to thailand and stone like one fking decomposed shit over there!
Singapore's nt the fking place fr me man.
Whatever i try to do, i cant fit into tht 'bunch' of friends.
FUCK LAH YOU UNDERSTAND MY FUCKING FEELING?!
DOES ANYONE HERE EVEN THUGHT ABOUT MY FEELINGS BEFORE?
ARGH WTF, im just having moodswings.
So dont get the feeling of 'slapping lindi hard on the face'.
Thankyou.

Th 'art works' below there took me more than 3 hours to complete it.
Am i good or am i very good? Wtf. LOL.

Striking resemblance right?! :D

Tag replies:

Zhaoxiang: Kk added.

Wahlau.

2008-02-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

The hardest part about studying is always the starting point.
Once you get started,
It's easy to go on for hours but the toughest part is that one minute when you decide to put everything away,
Grab a book and just study.
The thing with exams is I always feel demotivated somehow.
Like there's no drive/mojo/whomp wtf inside me to start studying for exams.
I'll go like cheh still got 2 days, chillax la wtf.
I went to bed at 3am last night but only really fell asleep about 4.
I had so much stuff in my head (no none about my exams wtf)
I was mainly thinking about stupid things I've done when I was younger.
Like real stupid things.
Like real real stupid things that only my closest friends know.
Like real real real stupid things ok I think you get the drift now wtf.
Ya I know you want to know what those stupid things are.
---
Nearly cried AGAIN in school.
What the fck is wrong with this sensitive worlddddddddddddddddddddddd????/!!!!!!!!!!'
??? *&^%$#@
Sighs.
---
Dont judge me cause you dont have the rites to do so.
Im not a lesbian neither am i a flirt.
I don’t mind answering 'dumb/personal/sensitive' questions,
But what I really mind is people judging me without any permission.
I already said clearly in my blog under the section 'About me' tht im a alittle insecure or maybe i could add one moreword behind it, BITCH.
Some people(Nt really close) who talk to me and do is shoot me with sarcasm's/sarcastic questions and expect me to reply to them promptly.
Like wtf?
Do I look like your mom to you or do i look like someone who dont cares about anything? (completely irrelevant)
I’m not mad at anyone, I’m just complaining.
Otherwise, like I said,
I like talk to people/joke around with friends cause I want to knw more friends.
So what's your problem?!
Also, please tell me what flaws i'm having cause i dont really realize tht.
And please lah.
Have the decency to say sorry if you're in the wrong. -.-

Tag replies

Zhaoxiang: Erh ok, justify why should i add you btw?
Shinhui: Ok.

Being dumb.

2008-02-20T17:47:00.000-08:00

Ok, i wont be the next mahatma gandhi/ mother theresa and not going to make sure world peace won’t be a taboo anymore.
Cause i cried today, AGAIN.
I will once and for all renounce my faith in you lord! ARGH JUST KIDDING LOL.
Today during cca was really pissed.
I feel like whacking my opponents nuts ok!
It's nt tht im mad or whatever,
But the fact is tht HE IS DRIVING ME UP THE WALL like some kind of crazy guy!
Wtf wtf.
---
Okay I know, I’m seriously very proud of this fact ok.
Today, i skipped the volleyball supporting thing and went for my cca!
Am I brave or am I super brave? Wtf.
---
My bravery aside, I shall talk about my issue with money.
Ya lah I’m sorry if this is the most important thing in my life ok.
I mean, money is not THAT important until I will choose it over love etc but it’s important enough for me to choose it over my own happiness.
One, I really hate it when people tell me how I should spend more cause there isn’t any point in saving all my money forever but what they don’t get is I’m not saving it till I die,
I just don’t think I should spend it on stuff that isn’t that necessary lah.
The fact that I have money doesn’t mean I’m rich or I should just spend it what. Two, what I ABSOLUTELY hate is how people say tht my wallet is packed with stuffs = I am rich.
I am so not ok!
If I am then why would I struggle so much to save up the money?!?
If I am, do you think I’ll be as stingy as I am now?
As if I like being stingy omg I obviously wish I can buy anything I want or travel to anywhere I want where got people like to be stingy one!
As if I like hunting like crazy for things tht i want fr less thn $20!
If I can,
I wish I can just go into a shop and buy something without having to head straight to the sales section ok.

And to those owe me money.
PLEASE RETURN IT TO ME OR ELSE I'LL THREATEN YOU BY FAKING AS IF IM SLITTING MYSELF, ARGH -CRIES- lol wtfwtf.

Tag replies:

Lihern: Hah ok my dear, cheer up hoh :D
Zhaoxiang: Erh ok.
Jian Ming: Ok.

(:

2008-02-19T17:46:00.000-08:00

To my dearest lihern,
This coming sunday, you're turning 14.
Do you know that you are the sole reason I’m still alive in this place?
Sigh, I don’t know how things will be in months to come.
Who else can I speak to about every single minute details of my life? (aside from my brother of course.)
Who else do I turn to when I feel so excited every time when i talk about dumb things/do funny stuffs,
Or who do I go to with all that recent gossip I just heard?
Who can I speak 'Ang mor' accent with?
Who will I camwhore with? (Seldomly tho' LOL wtf.)
Who will say “god must have spent a little more time on us” when I ask why are we so pretty and smart?
Who can I be so absolutely shameless and honest with?
Happy birthday in advance my dear.
You'll hve a big surprise on the day tht you're celebrating on.
Love you loads kkk!
And remember to read my blog on this friday!
Remember hoh! I tell you! LOL, wtf. I sound to demanding wtf.
---
Today isn’t such a bad day, no it isn’t bad at all.
Yesterday was perfectly alright, and the day before yesterday seemed fine too.( I guessed)
I don’t know what’s wrong and maybe nothing is wrong at all.
Then, why do I keep feeling like something is?
Why does that feeling of something is seriously wrong keep tugging at me,
Keep pulling me away from everything,
Keep asking me to listen to it?
I am now, so tell me what’s wrong god?
The whole world is listening now, so tell them what’s wrong.
But it couldn’t.
It kept its mouth shut, its hands tied, its words all jumbled in a labyrinth.
It is telling me to tell everyone that some things are not just as apparent as they seem.
It wants me to tell you that maybe not every problem has a solution and it wants me to tell the whole wide world to just please leave it alone.
D'you knw tht i cried today again?
God please,
I know you know I always tell people that you don’t exist.
I know I always give you a major headache with my long list for all those wishes and eveything,
But now, I’ve shortened my list to just ONE thing!
Okay I’ll give you ONE more chance to prove yourself to me, God.
If I wake up tomorrow and go through schoool smoothly without crying,
I swear in front of all these people that I will forever be indebted to you after this.
I’ll be the next mahatma gandhi/ mother theresa and I’ll make sure world peace won’t be a taboo anymore.
BUT if I wake up tomorrow with the same ol’ grapes for my daily life like today and weeks before, I will once and for all renounce my faith in you. (not that I haven’t almost already).
Pleaseee God, all you have to do is just lift up your almighty fingers,
And twist/change my fate alittle.
Aftr sch stayed bck to do my "oh-it's-making-me-insane" project.
Thn i went to find my dearest lihern,
Th only girl who can make me go mad like one cow with mad cow diesease LOL.
Smoked and everything.
Well, it's been a long time since i've smoked. LOL, ok wtfwtf.
---
To th 'woman' who bad mouthed about me and my friends/act gangstress.
Omg, seriously why the people in my sch which are the sec 1s very like to impose dumb acts of gangstress one?
Just because we the seniors apparently never do/scold you all anything means tht you have the right to intrude people’s(our) life is it?
So we cant go to school peacefully cause all of you dogs are bad mouthing us is it? It’s none of your business in the first place cause we didnt intrude into your life, so dont you simply stick your dirty pig nose into people’s/(our) affairs.
Damn poser sorry you can pretend like as if you knw alot of people in our school.
But dont you ever bad mouth about us you p-i-g.
Like what they say,

远看小肥猪,
进看大肥猪.

远看朱丽叶,
进看猪八戒.

Tag replies:

Johnpaul: Ouhk, lol. I think i dont knw you. Sorry. I have STM.
Passerby: Ok will try, thanks.
Yongping: Hah okkkk my dear, will try on it. (:
Zhaoxiang: Erm ok, kk thanks fr the comfort.

2008-02-18T18:00:00.000-08:00

I start this post with the biggest and longest crying emoticon ever in the history of time wtf

T_______________________________________T

Today I got angry a few times.
Today I cried once.
Today I also lashed out at someone who did nothing but asked me what was wrong.
Tomorrow, I will not get mad at trivial stuff.
Tomorrow, I will be a better (wo)man.
---
I have the biggest dilemma of all dilemmas! Help!
How does it feel to live all your life with one person,
Wishing you’d met more people instead?
Will I then regret for the rest of my life?
Maybe we should date around first and go back to each other later but then what if one of us finds someone better and the other one doesn’t?!?!?
They say love at first sight does not exist but it happened to me i think. ):
Of all people, Cupid picked me.
I was but a lost soul, staggering around places where i tend to be.
Cupid,
Did you really mean to strike that arrow deep in my chest,
Or was it meant for someone else?
Did you miscalculate the velocity and distance of the fatal blow or were your eyes really on me?
Sigh this is truly such a big dilemma. ):
---
Today during fnn class.
I cried ):
Cause xingying kept on saying someone's name.
He kept on repeating his name until i remembered about those memories.
Argh fk it.
Why isit tht depression always come to me.
But i never really show how i feel?
Maybe it's not even depression I'm feeling.
Maybe it's something more complicated that scientists and wise men have yet to discover.
Maybe it's nothing at all...
---
I want to go through life with you,
I want to grow old with you,
I want you to hold my hands with every step I take,
And I want to be there holding your hands in return.
We complement each other so well that it seems almost impossible to find someone else for us.
So I want to thank you.
Thank you for loving me,
Thank you for not giving up on me when I was difficult,
Thank you for not giving up on this relationship at tht time being,
And thank you for not letting the distance kill us.
But too bad, you're nt here with me alrdy.
---
What if a smile perpetually plastered on my face.
Would you see the difference in me?
Would you notice my dear friends? ):
I officially have 6 hours till tomorrow comes,
So let me just be my angry/sad bitchy self for now.

Tag replies.

Zhao Xiang: Im still fine i guess. No i dont remember you neither do i knw you. Sorry.

Bored. Complains.

2008-02-17T18:01:00.000-08:00

Im mad i knw.
I posted 2 times in a row tday.
But i dont knw, just wanna blog because i had nothing else to do.
No one's sms-ing/chatting with me online.
Sighs. ):
---
My life,
I hate the familiarity of my room!
I need a new room with great stuffs!
I wanna migrate/transfer school, ):
I dont care how sucky the education system is, i just wanna migrate/transfer. ):
I know everyone’s going to say:
"Shaddaplah there are so many people who want to trade places with you now ok! "
I knw but seriously,
I'm so tired of making new friends and speaking this stupid chinese pretentious language! ):
Ok fine, maybe i’m just pms-ing.
I wanna go to a country where i can learn languages which are unpretentious and unrestrained.
Is tht so hard to ask forrrrrr?!
Everywhere i go to, i hear chinese.
Fkkkk, i hate chineseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ):
I feel tht something's tugging deep in my heart. ):
I knw how much shit my parents went through to give me a good life, so im not going to complain anymore.
---
My relationship,
My relationship ended just right before valentine's day.
And you people tried to make me feeeeeel like a fish out of water.
What's your problem?!
People break up just before vday, and you feel happy for ittttt?!
All of you all purposely showed me those hugs and everything.
ESP th conv on what date plans they're having ltr*(vday) on.
It’s killing me inside inch by inch whenever i see those stuffs.
I know there is a perfect term for it but I just couldn’t seem to pinpoint what it could be exactly.
Could it be depression? But why?
I am almost perfect if not for my lack of some stuffs and the size of mammary.
I am the luckiest girl I know and I think I have everything I could have ever dreamed/craved of.
So why depression?
The urge is calling again.
I want to release myself from this web of intricacies so badlyyyyyyy, )))))::::
What will you think of me acting ever so selfish and thoughtless?
Will yo still think of me as the girl you once knew,
Or will you cringe in shame for this girl lying flat on the pavement?
All tangled in her own limbs, not breathing, blood seeping from her wounds to the ground, into the cracks of the floor?
Btw, to think of lying there like that is not as pathetic or gruesome as people might think it is.
Come to think of it, it is really peaceful and serene.
Amidst all that whiteness, amidst all that screams of horror, and then there’s me. Me lying face up staring at everyone in the world.
Me being enveloped by the all the clouds. ((((((((((((:::::::::::::

The world is all white and pure now.
Let me leave before it turns ugly again.
Highly fictional.
---
In school,
What does not make me happy is knowing how people expect me to give them information and treat me like I should be doing this.
Look, I did this out of the kindness of my own heart.
I do maybe half of the proj without getting paid or any help.
So please don’t treat me like I have to help you ALL THE WAY and act so demanding.
Do I look like your school counsellor?

Tag replies.

Avena: Sure. (: